Within the last 6 months, I have been required to work from the office (as opposed to working from home)...to make the concept (and the rush-hour commute) more palatable, I started cultivating this horrible habit of going through the McDonald's drive through for McCafe'. Then, as long as I was there, I would get a breakfast sandwich.
I knew that was a habit that I needed to break - both for health and financial reasons. Yet, I just couldn't; my car was sucked into the drive through like a magnet.
When I thought about why I was resisting...I discovered that it wasn't the food at all that I wanted - it was the coffee. The food got added because I have taken to carrying little/no cash on my person; I use my debit card. (this is how I discovered that I needed a separate budget line-item just for my nasty drive-through habit) And, when I used my debit card I would feel guilty (don't ask...I can't explain) "just" getting a coffee...like use of a debit card wasn't justifiable or permissable for "just" coffee. That is how the food got thrown in.
So...I set out to find a way to have the coffee that I enjoy in the morning while saving money and avoiding fast food. I bought myself a coffee maker for the office (because I didn't want to spend $4 on a coffee at the cafe here in the building, either) and started using it 2 weeks ago.
I am happy to say that, for the 2 weeks since I got the machine, I have not driven through McDonald's! I have saved $5.59/day on the coffee and McGriddle combo and avoided fast food!
Next week I'll be at the homestead in Michigan...safe travels to all this holiday season.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Grieving through the "firsts"....
My Dad died in mid-October 2008. Fully a year ago.
"They" say that the first everything is the hardest after someone dies. First holidays, first birthday...you name it....if it's the first after the death, then it's the hardest.
Well, I am not disputing "them". But I will also say very honestly that I feel like the first holidays without my Dad - i.e., the holidays of 2008 - were a cake-walk compared to this second wave of grief that has swelled up this year.
Maybe it's because he died so close to Thanksgiving and Christmas...so that initial hazy fox with which grief blankets us in those first weeks or months after someone dies carried me through the holidays relatively unscathed....
Whereas someone whose loved one died early in the year might experience their first holidays without the loved one with more sadness and missing.
Now, a year out, I'm much clearer in my head....and the holidays this year, I'm finding, are a whole different ball of string. Seems like THIS round of holidays is felt with the same kind of magnitude normally reserved for the first round that "they" warn you about.
So it's sort of like when tissue goes into shock...the nerves sort of numb-up....and then, later, when stuff starts coming back to life tissues and nerves connect we are thrust back into the acute awareness of the pain that comes with healing.
I keep clinging to the fact that grief is a process - although admit to really wondering when I'll see the light at the end of this tunnel.
Mostly, though...I just miss my Dad.
"They" say that the first everything is the hardest after someone dies. First holidays, first birthday...you name it....if it's the first after the death, then it's the hardest.
Well, I am not disputing "them". But I will also say very honestly that I feel like the first holidays without my Dad - i.e., the holidays of 2008 - were a cake-walk compared to this second wave of grief that has swelled up this year.
Maybe it's because he died so close to Thanksgiving and Christmas...so that initial hazy fox with which grief blankets us in those first weeks or months after someone dies carried me through the holidays relatively unscathed....
Whereas someone whose loved one died early in the year might experience their first holidays without the loved one with more sadness and missing.
Now, a year out, I'm much clearer in my head....and the holidays this year, I'm finding, are a whole different ball of string. Seems like THIS round of holidays is felt with the same kind of magnitude normally reserved for the first round that "they" warn you about.
So it's sort of like when tissue goes into shock...the nerves sort of numb-up....and then, later, when stuff starts coming back to life tissues and nerves connect we are thrust back into the acute awareness of the pain that comes with healing.
I keep clinging to the fact that grief is a process - although admit to really wondering when I'll see the light at the end of this tunnel.
Mostly, though...I just miss my Dad.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Wow - a year (almost) has passed....
So, my good friend and amazing songwriter, Ellis (ellis-music.com) just uploaded her first video-blog on her blogspot site, and I wanted to leave a comment....which meant I had to log in....which led me to my own blogspot page....which led me to realize how dang long it has been since I have written. Wow! Almost a year!
Today is the first day of Nanowrimo, which stands for "National Novel Writer's Month" - a month-long challenge to write an entire novel in just one month. I attempted it before, and got about 2/3 of the way to the word limit on my novel - which was a meandering mess of epic proportions that I suppose would have had some sort of an arc if you stood far enough away from it...but it sure wasn't gonna reach the end of the rainbow by the end of that November or by the time I reached the word limit.
This year, I don't think I'm gonna attempt Nanowrimo. Rather, I think I'm going to be more mindful about blogging here and call it good. Probably won't get as fancy as Miss Ellis with a video-blog - or maybe I will. Some day. For now, blogging with words will be great.
Another great and inspiring friend of mine, Faith (my fitness guru ab-whisperer), has been talking for a few months now about just tackling one thing at a time..."just one thing."
Here it is....my one thing for this week: play my guitar every day, for at least the amount of time it takes for a birthday cake-sized candle to extinguish (that's about 5 minutes, as I recall....longer is ok, but at least 5 minutes).
What's yours?
Today is the first day of Nanowrimo, which stands for "National Novel Writer's Month" - a month-long challenge to write an entire novel in just one month. I attempted it before, and got about 2/3 of the way to the word limit on my novel - which was a meandering mess of epic proportions that I suppose would have had some sort of an arc if you stood far enough away from it...but it sure wasn't gonna reach the end of the rainbow by the end of that November or by the time I reached the word limit.
This year, I don't think I'm gonna attempt Nanowrimo. Rather, I think I'm going to be more mindful about blogging here and call it good. Probably won't get as fancy as Miss Ellis with a video-blog - or maybe I will. Some day. For now, blogging with words will be great.
Another great and inspiring friend of mine, Faith (my fitness guru ab-whisperer), has been talking for a few months now about just tackling one thing at a time..."just one thing."
Here it is....my one thing for this week: play my guitar every day, for at least the amount of time it takes for a birthday cake-sized candle to extinguish (that's about 5 minutes, as I recall....longer is ok, but at least 5 minutes).
What's yours?
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